dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
