I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
