Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
