She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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