Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
