Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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