I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
