And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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