He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
