I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
