She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
