Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
