i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
