"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
