I'm so fucking centered right now
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
