Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
