It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
