Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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