I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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