I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
