I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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