someone owes me an orgasm
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
