Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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