I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
