I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
