theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
