he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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