I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
