Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
