The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
