I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
