Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
