A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I love you. Go after that dick
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize