It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
