I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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