If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
