he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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