OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
