i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
