The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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