you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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