I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think your dad took our porno
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
