allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
