If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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