That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
