She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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