windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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