Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
