I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
