His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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