I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
