i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
sex in a hospital.. check
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drake has all the answers
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
lol hangovers are for mortals.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
