Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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