i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
