Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
