My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
