She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
