dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Randomize
