Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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