I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
