hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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