I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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