It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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