i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
