i just had sex bonerless
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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