That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
