I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
