he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm passing your future prison.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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