SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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