I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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