The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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