just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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