Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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